Note from Janet on the counter this April morning, "PT 7:00" Physical Therapy, week 6 at Mercer -Bucks Orthopedics, the closest to our home. Strength training for my core/back. Exercises I should've been doing since when my weak back first "went out." So I have no delusions why it will never be close to normal. Not as simple as 20 knees-to-chest once in a blue moon before gettin' outta bed. My last back episode in February and the onset of sciattica were killers - requiring a shot of cortisone/steroids into the numbed base of my spine for the first time(strapped on a gurney with an xray machine traversing my bod, and the predecessor novicaine shot which well, was not "just a little sting.").
I kick myself and curse myself too often for my poor behavior. Why do I think I'll get away without goin' to PT and my back will miraculously "fix" itself? Why suffer thru it? Isn't it 2014 with over 438,000 specialists? Rod, you don't need to exercise, says my personal Evil Whisperer. I hate exercising alone except for the bike which tells me digitally every measure of distance I've covered.
Hate doin' it alone - you? Whereas I loved playin' baseball on the empty grassy back lot when a child, or playing football in high school on the "B" team - below JV. Not even sad we lost all our games, one 55 to 7 - they took pity on us in the last minutes. Or pickup volleyball games in St. Greg's gym every Tuesday night for years - so nice of them to charge a pittance for using both courts. My favorite sport. Loved Karch Karyl and later Misty May and Kerri, gold medalists in three beach volleyball Olympics since 2004. No, I don't mind movement, loved watchin' those two! Closest my body gets is rare walks around the neighborhood with wife Janet.
What's your favorite sport to play? Watch? Neighborhood to walk?
In fact I've had a sedentary work life at a State desk since '79, in NJ Treasury, to become a 39 year career. Too much sittin'. Why I walked, not phoned down the hall to other staffs, and visit, not ask the courier to deliver all my letters, files and binders worth millions. No, my responsibility as manager anyway. And of course takin' smoke breaks for 3 minutes every hour of two without fail, especially when nice out. In the 90s I smoked in my office with the door closed, until the bans took effect on TDay 2006 (Tax Day). Then outside in freezin cold durin' winter. Tough. No excuse and no sweat.
There's other behaviors I've been too stubborn or too stupid to change. Interrupting Janet and others while they're speaking - being rude and unjust; hurtful to my lovingest partner. Especially hurtful when blurted my convictions in a group, unable to curb my impulsiveness. Another nasty fault. Or the reverse, ignoring people, not really listening. Paying attention so poorly I forget what Janet just told me 30 seconds ago, literally, the one person I know who wouldn't say anything that wasn't best for me. Only able to remember and dwell my own thinking and experiences. The epitomy of selfishness.
I didn't mean to confess my fault to you, so sorry -- too depressing, and . . . why do you need to care?
Good qualities are more interesting. Of course we all have good qualities. I like being told I'm right -- who doesn't? Or "Rod your haircut looks great," after I deigned to get it done two months late. Thank goodness for Joe the barber in downtown Trenton. I tell him, "Joe, my wife loves you for how you make me look." And I told that to Jan once and her reply was "I don't love him." The best reason for speaking for myself and not others.
Do you fall into any of these traps? let me hear from you . . .
Best, Rod
Surviving Bipolar Disorder in the modern age . . . a journey of Hope for the afflicted.
My poetic memoir Episodes available at www.amazon.com/episodes-rodney-richards/dp/0615914705/
My poetic memoir Episodes available at www.amazon.com/episodes-rodney-richards/dp/0615914705/
