Staples could be Better

If you read enough of my blogs (especially Good Ideas for NJ), you'll see that many have a technical theme. I was trained professionally as a technical writer from 1979 to 2009, when I retired from NJ State government. I wrote Requests for Proposals (bid documents if you will) for computer hardware, software and services for 30 years, and also for energy procurement for ten. That also means I negotiated contracts with all sorts of vendors, big and small, during that time. So I'm a technical guy, and I'm a language guy. Words are very important to me and take on their intended meaning.

I'm also a computer guy, but not a geek or expert. I've used computers for dozens of years to type my documents and spreadsheets, and print them. Hence I like HP printers too. I know enough to find and fix most problems, how to work with techies by phone or by chat, and how to keep my files organized. Like you, I have tens of thousands of files, especially since our first Commodore 64 in the early eighties. And I love Microsoft -- Word, Excel, Powerpoint and Publisher. I even used MS-Access for many projects, as did my staff.

So glitches in computers irritate me, and that extends particularly to the Internet and websites.

Today I tried to do something simple -- send a document to Staples Copy and Print Center. I tried for twenty minutes before giving up. First I went to Staples.com. No help, not even close. Couldn't even find a Copy Center function. But then I remembered the Copy Center had its own web address, so I went there. Again, no help. After searching all the logical links, FAQs etc., and even though I fairly easily located my local Staples store, I could not find anything close to being able to send them a document for printing. I always ask myself, "Is it me?" But I try to be thorough -- I even check the sitemap down below, and open links that seem not to have any bearing - and they don't.

What I would have liked was something that connected me to my Hamilton Marketplace Staples store, instead of just telling me the store hours. Nothing. But I know it can be done! Janet does it every month when she sends our Baha'i Newsletter to them, they print it, and we pick it up an hour or two later. Why does it work for her? I figured it out finally. She has the email address of one of the Copy Center Associates, and sends her doc directly to them.   I want to be able to do that also.

So today I will go to our Staples Copy Center, pick up an Associates business card with their email on it, go home, sit at the computer, and email them my instructions and my color document to be laminated.  So fine, the job will get done.  But why does Staples make it so difficult?

I'm not really complaining, just gripping a little. Having the Internet has been a Godsend, and it gets better every day. I absolutely love Wikipedia and the usual ease of finding the information I'm looking for. But, just as in Staple's case, too many company websites are lacking, or downright unfriendly.

I have a website: www.rrenergyconsulting.com. It's for my business. My artistic son Jesse created it for $300 after I sent him the texts. Cheap at twice the price, which would be the average cost. And he did a beautiful job. I love the logo, and my matching business cards look great. It doesn't matter (to me) that the pages are static, lifeless. I had plans to put up energy tips, and have whole files of them, but never get around to organizing them, and sending them to Jesse for uploading.I guess companies with websites can't do everything either.

The worst part about poor websites is that sending them a note  through their "Contact us," never works well. One, they force you to chose a category for the message which has no bearing, and two, sometimes they even require a product code or an order code. If it was optional, then okay. Ridiculous! I guess they just don't care what their customers think. And that's a shame, because I'll still frequent my Staples store. At least the Associates are nice, and always say Hello when I enter. That's their policy.

How to Publish Memoir: Part Two

Continued from Steps one thru four.

Sixth: You have to decide if your serious about writing your story. If not? Fine, use pen and paper. If you are? Get a computer and Microsoft Word. Learn how to type, even if its just with two fingers like I do, although keyboarding is much better. I like Dell and HP, but any brand will just about do these days. In my estimation, every serious writer has to master Word and organize and save their documents. Its a fantastic writing tool. For one, it underlines grammar and spelling errors in green - very helpful. If you're still unsure of the spelling, go to Google. Enter "define embarrass" - it'll give you the correct spelling and definition.

Also buy an All-in-one printer. I have an Officejet 6500A Plus. That's why my autobiography has an 108 page Appendix with tons of photographs, pictures etc.because the scanner is so easy to use. And I use the fax on occasion -- very handy. Be careful here - the new printers will not print if even one cartridge is out of ink. That includes color. The older printers printed black even if a color cartridge was empty. Sometimes these companies should be shot.

Seventh: Buy (or download it free online) Strunk and White's Elements of Style. It's all of 85 pages. If you already have or bought a computer, you should also be or become familiar with email and Wikipedia, two indispensable writer's tools. Of course there's much, much more you can use and do, but that's enough to get started. Oh, and read Stephen King's On Writing, its mandatory reading (and studying) for memoir writers, in my opinion.

Eighth: Give a short meaningful title to all your pieces, stories etc. Insert a Heading on every piece. In the heading, insert "Draft # 4" (or whatever it is each time), followed by the copyright symbol, the year, and your name. Also date it. I use Word's triple heading slots. Insert Page Numbers at the bottom of the page. I use the "Page 2 of 4" format. Save each piece you've written in a file by name. I have many files for my pieces "Books." "Memoir pieces finished" "Memoir classes" etc. Whatever floats your boat. But be organized about it.

Ninth: Start editing and polishing when the piece is mostly done, when you're done writing "what happened."  Add how you felt at the time and what others expressed. Add dialogue that you remember, or the gist of it. Add settings, sights and sounds. Use action verbs only.  Show AND tell. In other words, learn from others or buy a good book on how to write better. There's a dozen good ones out there. This is the toughest part by far. Only you can do it unless you hire a ghostwriter (which, if you have the dough, is entirely possible).

Tenth: Okay, your essay, chapter or book is done, its ready - for something. Whether two pages or two hundred. Now what? Print it out and give it to your kids or your wife, and your done. For now. Or do you, like me, want to publish your work? Well, you need a plan if you're going to publish, that's all there is to it.  Here, let me describe mine so you get an idea....

To be continued after publication of my first book, Episodes of ABLiA (A Blessed Life in America).

How to Publish a Memoir: Part One

Writing about your life can be easy or difficult, depending. For me it was easy. Janet glibly mentioned one day "Why don't you write your memoir and do something?" This after lounging at home for three months doing nothing after retiring from State service after 39 years. So in June 2009 I began.

I finished writing what happened a year and a half later. 364 pages. I found it easy -- no emotion, no display of emotion, only what happened. As Janet and Jesse said later "It's the most boring thing ever written." And it was. But it was everything, from birth to age sixty-two, from soup to nuts, nothing left out. Even my breakfast menus, and how many cups of coffee I drink per day. Boring.

It wasn't until the 19th Winter Poetry and Prose Getaway, in January 2011, hosted by my dear Baha'i brother, Peter Murphy, that I actually found my writer's voice. I haven't stopped writing personal, and emotional, memoir since.That's a discovery every good writer has to find for themselves. I can't help you with that.

But I can help you get started. Even someone who's never written a word about themselves, their likes and dislikes, their ups and downs, failures and joys, can do a magnificent job writing their story. I firmly believe with patience and perseverence, you can do it. And you should. If not for your own sake, for the sake of your children, parents, coworkers, friends or other family. Once you really get started, you'll love it like I do.

First: You need to know English. Basic spelling and grammar. Whatever you learned in school, if you at least went through middle school, is enough.

Second: Whether you use block printing like I do, or can write in cursive, get some paper and pens, and just write something, anything. Don't worry about spelling and grammar at first, or finding the right word. Think of an event in your life - your first paying job, getting married, jail time, high school years, smoking pot, whatever - just write what you remember -- in your own words. You are not an author -- yet.

It's best to do this on a computer. I use Microsoft Word, which I recommend. It's universally accepted as a standard. It has great editing capabilities, showing edit mistakes with a green underline - very helpful. It even shows spelling mistakes, invaluable. And if you're still unsure of spelling, go to Google, enter "define embarrass" and it shows the correct spelling. It can also save your doc as a PDF easily. When done, you can load your Word doc, or a PDF.


Third: Like Stephen King says in On Writing (my favorite book on how to write),  you need an Ideal Reader. At least one person you trust to share your story with and give you feedback. Too raunchy? Emotionless? Boring? Exciting? Unique? Whatever, it will be something meaningful to you, and that's really all that counts. But feedback is critical if you ever want to publish. And publishing your book will only cost from zero to a few hundred dollars, and then you watch the profits roll in - if its compelling. That process starts with Step Eleven.

Fourth: Exercise your writing and reading muscles. Join a local library writing group. I participate in three within a ten mile radius of my home. If you can't find one start one. Approach your local library like I did for my Monday Memoir Classes. Send them an email with your proposal. All they require is that it's free and open to the public. Read your pieces to others -- the feedback is invaluable  -- and free. Did I mention free? So far you've spent nothing.

Note: I made a conscious decision NOT to read any memoirs by other authors until my rewritten memoirs were done. I didn't want to be influenced unduly. Oh, I've read a number of books on writing and grammar, it helped me get my thoughts together. More reading will be coming soon, before I want to publish my edited works. Bottom line though, if you want to write memoir well, read other memoirs, like The Memoir Project or The Glass Castle. Tuesdays with Morrie was also fairly good.

Fifth: Another way to get started sharing, is to sign up for www. Proust.com if you're not ready for face-to-face sharing. If you do nothing else, do this. Its absolutely the best way to get started as a writer of memoir. Its intimate -- just close family and friends -- in other words, you invite others to read your personal stuff. And you delete them (and your stuff) if you don't like them or it. You have 100% control. I would not skip this, and, of course its free.

 Continued in Part Two

My Two Favorite Movies

I've been seeing a movie every Saturday at my local AMC Theatre for the past three years, rarely missing a weekend. Richie, my movie buddy, brings Nino's Bakery danish or creampuffs for us both. Umm, good. I buy us Dunkin coffees afterwards and we shoot the breeze. Umm, good.

I hardly ever see the same movie twice, although I've made exceptions like 1977s Star Wars which I saw four times during its first week. Oh, it blew me away! Science Fiction is my favorite genre, so, more recently, Avatar was another mind-blower. I have the Star Wars Trilogy and Avatar on DVD as well, two of only a few movies I bought. Actually, I don't buy any. But on occasion I will put one on my Wish List and get it for Ayyam-i-Ha, my birthday or Christmas. Aren't holidays wonderful!

Speaking of science fiction, two movies changed my outlook on life completely. Before seeing these movies I was parochial, focused only on life around me and the joys of childhood unencumbered, with no thoughts of a world larger than what I could touch. These specific movies, changed my outlook and worldview, or should I say, gave me a worldview that would stay with me all my life. Of course I have these two movies on DVD also, one black and white, one colorized. I watch both of them at least once a year, with the lights out, in the comfort of my bedroom, alone.

It's a fantastic blessing having lived in the 20th, and now the 21st, centuries. None of us can fully appreciate the time in which we live, I don't think. By the 1950s movie special effects could be very haphazard - some done well, some not. Very different from today where movies like Life of Pi (which I saw and loved) are incredibly seamless. Its really, really hard to believe the tiger Richard Parker is 100% computer generated. At least that's what I heard, but I can't vouch for it. Either way, movies today are all incredibly good with SFX. (I know, SFX stands for sci-fy, but to me they're synonymous.)

I can't remember which one I saw first, so I'll describe them by release date. The Day the Earth Stood Still (1951), starring Michael Rennie as Klaatu with a wonderful, believable, supporting cast, blew me away the first time I saw it. I must have been 10 or so, circa 1960, watching it on our small black and white TV at our 84 N. Clinton Ave apartment in Trenton NJ. I have basically memorized the movie, so I won't go into details.

However, the climax is what affected me most, besides the fantastical alien-inspired storyline. The point I got from the movie, which I firmly believe, is that all people must learn to live and cooperate at all levels (or we will destroy ourselves), and that we are NOT the only sentient creatures in the universe. The corollary is that anything is possible. This was years before I fell in love with Captain Kirk and Spock in Star Trek.

The second was Forbidden Planet (1956) with a dramatic role by Leslie Nielson, and again, a great cast of characters well-played, especially, when I was younger, Robby the Robot, played by Frankie Darro (thanks Wikipedia).  Almost exactly the same themes as The Day the Earth Stood Still, only from a human point of view. Richard Parker reminds me of the real tiger in Forbidden Planet -- both totally believable. The colorized version of the film is just superb.

To be fair, I've hardly ever seen a movie in a movie theatre that I didn't like, unless you count Quentin Tarantino's Death Proof in Grindhouse, overall an absolutely horrible film.When I was a kid and watching House on Haunted Hill at Trenton's Lincoln Theatre on Warren St., where an actual (fake) human skeleton rolled out on wires from the back of the theatre, or George Romero's Night of the Living Dead at the Lawrence Drive-in with Dad, I loved horror films. That stopped four decades ago. Now with movies like Saw, I am appalled.

I hope to start a movie review blog just for fun. Last night (12/1/12) I saw Twilight: Breaking Dawn II. It had good, and slow, parts. The (movie) story was not told as well as it could have been. But the action/fight scene was incredibly well done, and the surprise ending handled very well (even though I read all the books, I had forgotten). I do like action more than anything. Being "a man of action under all conditions" is another thing entirely, and something I strive for.

For Your Smoking Pleasure

“If I quit now, maybe I’ll last out the year,” I said to myself, for the umpteenth time.  Many times I say it out loud when I’m sitting on our front porch having my first smoke of the day.  Its four or five a.m. and dark out, before the dawn’s light.  “Stupid cigarettes!” is another favorite of mine, which I say even more often. 

I’ve been smoking almost continuously since I was 14.  Cigarettes cost 35 cents then, from a machine no less, which cost more than the Deli.  Now that I’m 62, the green phlegm has started. Now I always  cough some up the first thing in the morning, which Google says is a bacterial infection of the lungs. I’ve got to stop. But I like smoking, even though my liking it has masked my addiction.

For years I’ve been smoking Salem 100s. I refuse to buy regular cigarettes anymore, and haven’t for a long time. Regular cigarettes cost the same as 100s, but are an inch shorter.  100s are a better value for the money, but not the lungs. Since 2007 I’ve bought my cartons at Smokin’ Joe’s in Morrisville, just across the Calhoun St. Bridge.  It’s a six mile trip from Yardville, but saves me $20.00 per carton, well worth the extra gas.  At 7/11 for example, when I buy a pack because I’m out and must have one, the clerk says “That’s $8.59 please.” “You’re kidding,” I say, then hand over the cash. I don’t do that often!  

At Joe’s a carton is just $65.00, and lasts me about three weeks.  My wife Janet still digs me a little when she pays the monthly credit card bill, but I don’t mind. Considering I only have four vices - cigarettes, coffee, breakfast every morning, and a Saturday movie with friends, she lets me slide. I don’t drink alcohol or do drugs, so that’s not an issue. Besides, she doesn’t have any vices, so what can I say?

A carton lasts longer if I’m not on my regular schedule of one an hour from morn until after dinner. Baha’i and other meetings force me to refrain. And, the writing’s on the wall. Rite Aid doesn’t even sell cigarettes, and CVS doesn’t sell Salems. The laws against smoking in public places, office buildings etc., have only gotten more restrictive.  And the stigma has deterred me from lighting up near others, especially kids.  I haven’t smoked inside a building for the last ten years, except my garage.  Alone, especially in the cold and rain.

I started smoking in Grammar School in 1964.  To be precise, it was Sacred Heart Grammar School on South Broad St. in Trenton.  All of us were “good” Catholics, attending Mass every morning before class, and on Sundays.  Still, practically all us boys, and half the girls, smoked Marlboro’s by 8th grade, the most popular brand.  There was no way to avoid that rugged cowboy on TV or billboards pushing the things. Even TV shows and movies had smokers.  Winston’s were also popular, and their motto “Winston tastes good like a cigarette should,” was ubiquitous.  TV advertising showing actual smoking was banned in 1971; smokeless advertising was banned in ‘86.  

In the tobacco settlement of 1999, all cigarette billboards were replaced with anti-smoking messages. In a parody of the Marlboro Man, some billboards depicted cowboys riding on horses with slogans like "I miss my lung, Bob."  So, you see what I mean, the writing’s on the wall for smoking.  Now I just have to convince my body and mind.

I actually convinced myself to stop cold turkey in 1992, the Holy Year.  That year Baha’is  commemorated the passing of Baha’u’llah, Prophet Founder of my beloved Baha’i Faith, and I was inspired, which doesn’t happen often.  My wife Janet and family were ecstatic I stopped, and I got a lot of praise and more kisses.  But it only lasted for two years before I started again, when I felt added pressure to perform at work.  I was in the habit of going out and buying lunch as a replacement for smoking, and just bought a pack one day at the Deli.  I can still remember that first cigarette, which was awful.  But soon I got right back on the Salem's horse.

Then in 2003, I tried the nicotine patch, wearing it on my shoulder every day for three weeks or so until the urges stopped.  That worked!  But then in 2005, I hired away Ed Mercer from the Division of Building and Construction, to come work with us in the Energy Office.  We hit it off great!  Ed’s knowledge and experience with all things energy related was phenomenal, and I couldn’t learn enough from him.  I started accompanying him on his cigarette breaks every day, first only bumming a smoke occasionally.  After two months I realized how persistent I was getting, and bought my own pack. 

So much for that!  I started out only smoking 4 or 5 cigarettes a day for the next few years, but then I retired in 2009 and got into my current routine of ten a day.  It’s still a bit better than the pack a day I smoked during my youth and young adulthood.  But you don’t have to tell me that’s not good, I really do know.

Also in 2005, Janet and I went to see Thank you for Smoking with Aaron Eckhart. Aaron plays Nick Naylor, Big Tobaccos's chief spokesman. A totally underrated movie, it was so bad (in a good way), it was comical. Aaron was the glib defender, actually making sense in his arguments/statements about smoking. The satire was thick, but got all the points across. But the movie poster says it all - a man's body, looking like a politician, with a big bright campaign button on his chest. And, a frightening-looking lit cigarette head, trailing smoke. Ugh!

Janet lets me smoke (outside only - which I don't mind at all), and I appreciate that, even though its insane that I do so. When I come in the house after having a smoke, she’ll say, in only her tone, “You stink!”  I know its really bad when she says "Oh God!" I then spray myself a few times with Glade Fabric and Air Freshener, which we keep by the door, just for me.  It’s a regular item on the shopping list.  At first I really got ticked off when she said it, but now I just feel a moment of guilt, and it passes quickly.  Mouthwash is on the shopping list too. Smoking and its smell is disgusting, and I’m glad it’s banned in so many places.  

I count the days until I stop.  I’ve set a goal, the publication of my memoir “Episodes of ABLiA (A Blessed Life in America).”  Its part one, of two or three books. I finished a decent draft in mid-December. Please pray for me to get it printed.

I'd like to get rid of my periodic smoker's cough too.