Circles of Trust

I recently asked myself "How many positions of trust do I have?" When I worked for the State of New Jersey Treasury Department, retiring after almost 39 years, I had a position of trust. In fact, I signed many Confidentiality Agreements. One or two with the State, basically saying I was honest and wouldn't divulge state secrets. What's a state secret? How I and others performed our jobs, essentially. What wasn't secret were my emails, business letters, conversations in front of witnesses etc. I had many instances with vendors, who, in order to provide us hundreds of thousands of doallars in discounts, required we not divulge that to anyone else. In other words, it was for internal purposes only.

Every job, position, relationship etc. requires trust.  Every job has "secrets." For example, when I helped our electrician wire our outlets in our bedroom addition in 1987, he showed me how to put "tails" on the cables ending at the outlet. Basically, we just added 8-12 inches of cable to the outlet, before we screwed the box into the wall, and the outlet to the box. Why? Because if you have a short or (heaven forbid) small fire at the outlet, those cable ends become useless. But, because an extra length of cable was available to pull into the box, it's easy to just clip a few inches of the burnt cable, and use the clean end. Every job has secrets like this, tricks of the trade if you will, that you hardly ever read about. Another way to look at is knowing what really goes on "behind the scenes" of any job, or business. Even marriages for that matter.

Married couples don't show their arguments, or "dirty laundry" in public. Businesses don't either. That's why its shocking sometimes to read the real truth behind a marriage or a business. Enron is one giant example. The Wall Street implosion caused by underwater mortgages, or mortgage-backed securities, was another. So trust between the parties in a business or a marriage, is the key to success. That's why trust is so hard to earn, and so fragile that it can be broken in a second. I can say after our forty-one years of marriage that Janet and I truly trust each other, our kids, our families, and our friends. It's actually a very wide circle of trust. When I was working for the State I had a circle of bosses and co-workers who shared that same trust.

Now that I'm retired, my circles of trust are smaller, but no less important to maintain. First, I'm a Baha'i Treasurer, responsible for handling the Hamilton community's funds. Essentially, I'm trustworthy and doing a good job, or I wouldn't be reelected. Second, I'm a mediator for Hamilton Township Courts. The people who come to us with their disputes expect us to hold what they tell us in confidentiality -- and we do. I have a responsibility to them and to the Courts to maintain that confidentiality, as well as impartiality and an open mind. I must be doing okay, because Janice, my partner, and I, have been doing it regularly since 1994. The annual training we get helps immensely.

Third, I participate in four Memoir classes weekly, and another one bi-weekly. People share their innermost feelings and experiences, opinions and revelations. It's mind blowing sometimes. And they expect, as do I, that what is said will be held in confidence. Also expected is the right of the individual to feel free to say what is truly in their heart. Sometimes people cry when hearing a poignant piece of memoir, or while reading their own. I have. And the folks there are like family, I can share and know that it won't get blabbed to the next door neighbor, or shared with a stranger. It's absolutely liberating and fulfilling to share one's emotions in such an atmosphere. It's another circle of trust.

So what are your circles of trust? How many and what types do you have? Its interesting to think about.