The Joy of Birth

I recently wrote a post about my son Jesse, his beautiful wife Rachel, and their new daughter Sienna (born this March). And how Janet and I found ourselves as grandparents for the first time! All very good stuff like survival of the species, continuation of our family name in some form, and a comfortable enough life, health and wealth-wise, for them and us to enjoy it all.

So I believe in life. And I haven't read any scientific study yet that says human life DOES NOT start at the moment of conception - sperm meets egg kinda stuff. For decades now in this country,  debates have been raging, laws have been changing, and attitudes have either been cemented or flexible on what that means. 

I look at all this simply. Only a woman can get pregnant (aside from Ripley's Believe It or Not), its her body, and the fetus relies upon her to be carried to full term (put aside surrogates for the moment, but still true). A lot can happen along the way for a multitude of reasons. Some of those reasons start at how the baby was conceived. Was it love? Rape? Was it in a test tube? Was it in or out of wedlock? And many others. 

For example I was conceived out of wedlock, but my parents eloped and got married by a justice of the peace. When my mom asked her Catholic parish priest in 1950 to bless the marriage, he told her to wait, since once done "the marriage was irrevocable." Now, marriages don't seem to be irrevocable anymore. So every woman gets pregnant under their own personal circumstances. Legislation will not make it all one way, regardless of the benefits under certain laws or no laws. That goes for legal, regulatory restrictions and social mores as well. In my opinion.

And that brings us to the extremely divisive subject of abortion. It goes without saying that I'm glad my Mom didn't abort me (especially since I had no name), and decided to give birth. And she was fortunate; consulted with my young father, and they decided to make a go of it. Another child two years later and a swift legal divorce, left her and my brother and I on our own. Mom's own love, hardwork (jobs) and tenacity, and family, and even Catholic Charities, all helped pull us thru to the good life, along with my step-father Ralph, when the past didn't matter and we able to make our own way. Together.

Perhaps, when Mom found out she was pregnant, just perhaps, it needn't have been a choice between abortion, giving me up for adoption, elopement and even marriage. Perhaps Federal, State and local governments could've been there with a safety net to hold her hand thru it from day one. Unfortunately that safety net wasn't there then and isn't here yet. Its disjointed, with wide gaps. Some, like some adoption agencies, are for profit, although they provide a social benefit, at a high-end cost of $35,000. Non-profit orgs seem to do more in education and caring than the government. Government is just now, 2013, offering job training and decent livable jobs, limited housing, nursery and childcare, and a support system for new mothers, especially Food Stamps. Child support laws have gotten stronger.

Of course, for the wealthy, even moderate wealth, having necessary resources makes it much easier. And usually successful.

So I ask, for the pregnant mom, who is there to help her make it work? We all need someone, some help, sometime and somewhere. Without family, healthcare and wealth, who is there for the pregnant mom? I may get in trouble from some by saying this, but organizations like Planned Parenthood have the stated objective to help mom get thru all the roadblocks. Education. It all starts with education. Even the name "Planned Parenthood" is a start to gathering these resources, making them intelligible and easy to use, and doesn't stop until the parent or parents are able to cope on their own steam.Wouldn't that be ideal?

I remember years ago volunteering some lunch hours to work for "Mother Mary," a dear, aged woman, fostering health education for unwed mothers. I would go help move boxes, or sort donated clothes into sizes for the sale bins. The two-story building she managed on Warren Street in center-city had a run-down lounge and classroom on the second floor. It was a valuable all volunteer service.

Maybe the real crime we should be discussing is not abortion, but the lack of of a comprehensive knowledge and support system, one not fragmented by so many different state laws, policies and rules. And certainly, if not available now, egg transfer from one womb to another willing one will one day may be common, preserving the pregnancy.

Perhaps mom (and dad), should give the fetus its birth name upon that first visit to the doctor's office or clinic?

By Rodney Richards, NJ