The Joy of Awareness

The night before, putting out the trash for curbside pickup the next morning. Sleeping. Waking at 3 a.m. for first cigarette, outside. Going to throw butt in trash can on the side of the house, forgetting the full one is by our curb. Walking to car and throwing butt in full trash can on the way.  Driving to Dunkin. Closed. Forgot they're undergoing renovations for two weeks. Did the same thing the night before. Backtracking to 7/11 for coffee, not bad coffee. Same price as Dunkin this early in the morning. Usually it's $1.63 at Dunkin inclusive of my senior discount. But early morning clerks there don't know how to ring up "Senior discount please," so they charge me for a small altho its a medium. Same price as 7/11, $1.49.


Getting home, typing on computer for an hour drinking my hot coffee. Coffee dregs lukewarm, so walk upstairs to throw cup away in outside trash cans by the house and have another smoke. Forgetting that this morning they're down by the curb. Remembering as I look down into empty trash can by house. Walking to front porch and sit, finishing smoke. Forgetting to sit on bench near garage, much closer. Get up to throw butt and coffee cup into trash by the house. Forget full trash can by the curb. Walking down driveway, throwing them in. 

An hour later, going outside, lighting up again. Start walking to side of the house to toss butt before remembering full trash can by curb. Walking down driveway again to throw butt away, then back into the house. Begin writing this blog.. . . .

Now, a normal person, an aware person, would do the following:

Waking at 3 a.m. and having first cigarette. Throwing butt away in trash can by curb on way out for coffee. Driving to 7/11, remembering Dunkin closed. Getting medium hot coffee with half-and-half and two Sweet-n-Lows for $1.49, same price as Dunkin, not bad. Driving home, typing some more, drinking coffee. Getting up to throw lukewarm dregs out (I only like hot coffee). Set coffee cup next to me on bench by garage. Have second cigarette. Empty dregs on grass as I walk to trash can by curb and throw out butt and cup.

An hour passes. Light up second cigarette outside, sit on bench enjoying it, craving it. Get up, toss butt in trash by the curb. Back into the house, the basement computer, to write this blog . . . .

Does this sound familiar to you? (Not the smoking I hope) Which scenario are you most likely to perform? How old are you? I'm 63. Is it Alzheimer's? Short term memory loss? But I've always been this way. 

How do I change? How do I remember better? Or is this a male thing? What's wrong with me? My long term visual memory is fine. Is it because I'm a visual learner and not an oral learner?

Janet doesn't operate like me, forgetting. She never forgets. Always purposeful, planned, aware, whether having seen OR heard something. Hates remembering for me to. Hates it when I ask "What's going on tonite?" when she told me thirty seconds earlier. It's not fair to her. I absolutely must look at the calendar first thing in the morning; it's all there, all appointments, family outings and meetings. But I forget. As if its all unimportant . . . .

Pay attention! Is that too much to ask after 42 years of marriage?

By Rodney Richards, NJ